If you don’t like chocolate chip cookies, you aren’t human.

I am human.

Therefore, I like chocolate chip cookies.

In saying this, yesterday, at gordonier, I ate dinner with James and Br, wait, he forgot to attend. Again. Anyway, I sit down with James and I finish some pretty sweet (good tasting) ham and lima beans and wanna top it off with a delectible, flat-baked pastry smothered in CHOCO CHOCO CHIPs. I reach the dessert section and son of a slut-whore. All the chocolate chip cookies are gone. What the fuck!?! As I try to collect myself, I notice 2 cookies sitting on this kid’s dish directly in front of me as he is veering off towards the ice cream section. The guy not only gets the last two cookies but also gets to sandwich ice cream in between them? As Stone Cold would say, “EH EH!” Acting quickly, I swipe the cookies from the dish as I bear witness to him happily scooping his ice cream in anticipation of his homemade chipwich. I head back to my seat only to laugh my ass off in telling James of the story. I delve into the warm, dough-ey bliss as I watch the loser look around in befuddlement and my day is complete. Did I feel bad? Sure, but its a dog-eat-dog world out there and sometimes, you just have to watch out for your own needs first and foremost.

Oh yeah, I stole a pen today too.

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